: Archive

Jan 1st

420 notes

 *mom doing her hair*
me: your hair looks really good, you're really good at that.
 (waiting for some smart remark about her being old because she says it for everything)
my mom: of course it is, i've been on the planet for 50 years, i know how to use a straightener and curling iron.
me: i knew you were going to say something like that. you always do that. say some snide remark about you being old and knowing everything. every freaking time.
my mom: why don't you just move out. go live with saul or something i'm tired of your fucking rude attitude.
 this is basically what happens to every conversation we have. i just complimented her. she could have just said thank you.

Dec 31st

69 notes

Dec 31st

53 notes

Dec 31st

42 notes

Dec 31st

31 notes

Dec 31st

5 notes

Dec 31st

122 notes

Dec 31st

6,506 notes

Dec 31st

16,780 notes

Dec 31st

21,770 notes

Dec 30th

840 notes

Dec 27th

72,094 notes

Dec 27th

250,254 notes

Dec 27th

211 notes

Dec 26th

740 notes

Dec 26th

3,773 notes

Dec 26th

38,048 notes

Dec 26th

8,826 notes

Dec 26th

9,433 notes

Dec 26th

155 notes

Dec 26th

392 notes

Dec 26th

29 notes

Why being a girl isn't working out for me:

Body: Oh, guess what time of the month it is!
Me: Please, god, no--
Ovaries: ALL SYSTEMS GOOOOOOOO!!!
Brain: I quit. i quit. kittens and cupcakes and no one loves me. oh my god salty snacks i am furious 
Me: Please, guys, calm down--
Face: TIME TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER LIKED ABOUT ME. I'M GROWING MOUNTAINS, BITCHES. 
Brain: And now I'm ugly! shbdksdnksbn
Torso: Time to practice labor. cramp this bitch up. GO GO GO GO GO GO 
Me: STOP IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! 
Stomach: lol clothes cant fit you anymore. you are bloated. you are now a balloooooooon!
Me: I hate you all
Brain: I KNOW EVERYONE HATES ME I AM SO DEPRESSED. we need to procreate. 
Face: Lol, i'm not done yet. 
Uterus: what did i ever do to deserve this? 
Brain: you just wait uterus. they're going to make you hold a baby for like 9 months straight. 
Uterus: You mother fuckers. 
Torso: CONTRACT! 
Me: I quit being female, I am now a llama. 
Brain: Me gusta.

Dec 25th

113,724 notes

Dec 25th

10,011 notes

Dec 25th

7,846 notes

this night has been fantastic so far. drove around with my dad, brother and Sylvia looking at neighbourhood Christmas lights, while harmonizing to the blasting music and yelling merry christmas. i love my family.

Dec 25th